A little bit of magic.

 Friday, like so many other families, we pulled out our Christmas stuff.  We left a lot of it on our storage shelves downstairs.  I decided that I want Emma to be able to marvel at the awesomeness of the Christmas tree without worrying about a fragile ornament falling to the floor.  We thrifted all new kid friendly ornaments to replace the boring grown up decorations from last year. Wooden bead garlands, wooden nutcrackers, and soft clay stars and Santa's dangle from the lovely pre-lit branches.  We have also been busy making our own festive decor.  Homemade ornaments and wall art take me back to my own childhood.  There is a magic in creating.  Right now, there is a whole lot of magical nostalgia in our home!

 

 

 

 

 

This was my very favorite Christmas piece when I was little.  It's been broken and glued a few times, but I can't help but find it even more lovely with these imperfections.

We have a mall close by that really doesn't have much left to it.  I can remember being a child seeing all the stores filled and people all around.  Now, there are a few jewelry stores, a Macy's, and a Topsy's during the holiday season.  It was the perfect place to go walking during the cold months of my pregnancy with Emma, and during the hot days of summer.  Emma loves going there.  She can run as she pleases since it is not busy, there are still working fountains, there are giant hot air balloons that move up to the ceiling and back down, and just enough mall walkers to keep you from feeling like you are all alone in a creepy abandoned mall.  From November thru December, they have a Santa and a train for the kids.  Emma is really into trains right now, so she was in heaven!

Christmas is certainly going to be fun this year.  She knows that all of these decorations and gifts are something special.  Plus, she is still little enough to think that homemade gifts and thrift store toys are cool.  She loves puzzles right now, so I have made her a felt puzzle doll with accessories and outdoor adventures.  I let her play with a few of the pieces this afternoon, and I think she is going to really enjoy it.  Fingers crossed!

Thankful.

"I'm not sure about this."

This phrase was tossed about between Brett and I yesterday as we fumbled our way through our first Thanksgiving without a mom or grandma to guide us through.  

Our first turkey was beautiful.  Fifteen minutes to go, I opened the stock to mix up one last basting sauce to perfect our already beautiful bronze turkey breast.  As I flipped open the cap, I realized that this stock was no good. I had been basting our turkey with broth gone bad.  "I'm not so sure about this, Brett."

A quick run to the store, two hours and a half a turkey breast later, we realized this was too much work for two people who don't particularly care for poultry.  Next time, I think we will just get a rotisserie chicken.  We are more about the pie and fixins.

Brett was in charge of the potatoes.  He peeled, he sliced, and he boiled.  I think he may have boiled a little too long, because they were more pasty cream than a fluffy mashed.  "I'm not sure about this, Erin."

If Emma could talk a little better, I'm pretty sure she would have said, "I'm not so sure about this meal."

One thing we are sure about?  We are blessed.

We may not have the best cooking skills, but we have each other.  Staying home was certainly the best decision for us this year.  We enjoyed our lousy potatoes and tough turkey, then enjoyed a family nap before heading back for seconds.  

This year, I am thankful for little handprints on the glass, for the toothpaste in the sink, and the scratches on the floor from the dog.  These are the daily reminders from everything important in my home, that I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Bring it.

I just got home from picking up my goody bag from our local pharmacy.  Four bags, actually.  I'm so terribly grateful that all of these medications represent the hope of new life, and not anything else.  Tomorrow begins the first day of the next round of treatments.  As I splay the contents across the counter and separate them from the once a day's, twice a day's, four times a day, take when told, take to office to have injected different piles, there is a little piece of me that wonders if this is worth it.  For anyone on the outside, infertility and loss begin and end at the time you are told about it.  For this person going through it all, it has been non-stop for four years.  The miscarriages, the tests, the surgeries, the miscarriages again, the procedures, the labs, the appointments, the feeling pregnant and looking pregnant when you are not, the being pregnant and being too scared to enjoy it, the pills upon pills...  it's a long exhausting process that begins from the first failed attempt to become pregnant until you are the mother to a completed family.  I'm not there yet. I know that this may not work, but my heart tells me that there are more babies to have.  So as I look around the walls of this house holding framed pictures of my sweet girl, all doubt is removed.  This process is totally worth it.  All of this yuckiness is worth the beautiful being that I hope to bring from this, to put in a frame next to my other sweet baby's picture.

These medications make me tired. I've been told that they also make me emotional.  That being said, we have decided to stay home this Thanksgiving.  I don't think my sweet family wants to be in a car for four hours with an emotional mama, and I don't think my in-laws really want to be around an emotional mama who has been locked in the car for four hours.  I'm kind of looking forward to it.  I have a couple of family activities planned for us, and I have a dinner menu prepared.  My brother and his sweet family will be around Thanksgiving evening, so we look forward to a little family game night with them.

To get into the true spirit of Thanksgiving, here are a few things I'm thankful for:

A merciful God, my sweet husband, my precious girl, a supportive family, flexible jobs, girlfriends, answered prayers, health, my doctors and nurses, and specifically to right now... wine.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Oh, and here are some of our family photos from last week!

Time-out.

Do you ever feel like you are buried under schedules, and to-do's, and grown-up messiness?  I have been there for a couple of weeks.  Truth be told, I don't enjoy such obligations.  I think I'm responsible.  I mean, I get things done when they need to be done.  But, I am a much happier person when I can wake up and decide then, what it is I am going to do that day.  I guess we all would rather do this than work, or do chores, or other grown-up messiness.  There comes a time though, when you throw away the list of to-do's and you go do what it is that your heart needs.

We had things to do this weekend.  The grown up things.  Like, clean out the garage and mow the lawn kind of things.  Instead, we did the responsible thing and called a family time-out.

A cancelled jewelry party landed us at a friends house before and after a night of worship to enjoy the already prepared drinks and snacks.  We stayed up until almost midnight playing board games with our dear friends while our children slept.

Saturday, we went for a leisurely family stroll followed by a morning park visit.  God must have known we needed to have a time-out, because he provided us with the most perfect November park weather you can get.  We have this very spacious park with little pockets of pasture and hills.  We can have an area all to ourselves to sprawl out on the grass and let the dog and kid loose without interfering with anyone else.  Emma galloped up and down the slopes.

Turns out, my husband is part giant.  I almost had to bust out the butter to get this guy out of the twisty slide.

 Sunday, has been all about church and naps and cuddling by a fire on a cold wet day.  We may not have a clean garage with room enough for cars, but we are starting fresh for another week of the messiness. Game on. 

Oh, here is a little clip of Em playing her letter matching game.  This girl amazes me!

Have a wonderful stress free week friends!

18 months.

Earlier this week, Emma turned 18 months!  We go in for her 18 month appointment later today, and tomorrow our friend Chris will take some photos of her.  Every month and every stage we say this, but I will say it again...  This is the funnest stage yet!! 

 

We taught her how to gallop, so that has been the preferred method of movement around the Gordon home for the last week, and let me tell you, my calves are sore!  She has really started to talk.  She can even sing!  When I rock her to sleep I have the same 3-4 songs I sing after story time, and she now sings along with me.  Only a few words are real clear, but it is the cutest.  She looks up at me and giggles from time to time during song.  She has a new favorite show, The Fresh Beat Band.  She gets to watch it once when she wakes up and again after nap time.  She will say Fresh Beat when she sees their logo, and then goes crazy into her mad dance moves when their opening song comes on.  She loves to jump, she loves to hug, and she really loves cheese.  She and her friend Seger are a crack up together.  They run around holding hands, they dance together holding hands, and go crazy every time they get together with big waves and greeting hugs.  She still enjoys music class (when we get to go), but does not enjoy sitting still.  Ever.  Definitely has a little bit of mom there.  Emma loves to play dress up.  She loves to put on her pretty necklaces and tutu's.  She also likes putting coins in her piggy bank.  We will empty it out a couple times a day so she can put them back in.  She is really into fasteners of all kinds.  Whenever she gets out of a high chair or stroller, she immediately turns around to fasten the fasteners back together.  She gets a little frustrated with zippers and snaps.  She knows how to do it, but can't quite get her fingers to cooperate.  She is also getting really good at puzzles and gets quite creative with her legos.  Emma is definitely a girl in the ways of play and fashion, but I love her independent attitude.  She likes girly things, but she really loves to do things on her own, and to be silly.  I really hope she keeps that. 

 

This little mama has been busy at work to help with the expenses of infertility.  This process has required a lot of time off for appointments and procedures, with the additional costs of appointments and procedures, so we are playing the catch up game right now.  Also, I did a great job at procrastinating all year, so all of my free time has been spent on professional portfolio's and continuing education.  What I was reminded of Monday while casting my ballot to vote, was what a privilege it is to be able to work.  It's hard to imagine what it was like for women before we had that right to vote, to have an education, and to have an equal opportunity in the workplace. I pray that our economy finds strength and jobs are created for those who are struggling.  My goal is to constantly be grateful to have the opportunity to work, in a field I love no less, and to do this with a smile to set a positive example for my daughter.  My wish for her is that in 18 years, she has the same desires she has at 18 months...  to learn, to be independent, and to seek opportunities to be happy and make others happy.