Potty party.

Yesterday, Emma used the potty.  I was kind of excited, but kind of not.  She is so little, and I don't want her growing up too fast.  She brought me a diaper in the morning, but she was still dry.  I have a potty chair that I recently bought, so just for kicks I put her on.  She went!  I didn't think too much of it.  After her nap, she was wet.  While I stripped off her diaper, I sat her down again.  She went again!  She ate lunch, then I put her on her chair again, just to see... and, she went again!  Three times yesterday!  Today, she has used her chair 1 out of 2 attempts.  I certainly am not going to push too hard as she is not even 17 months, but as she is interested, I will casually encourage.  I think she has a little bit of her mama's spirit!  I will let you know if she starts quoting poetry or becomes a master violinist.

Comfort. (And lots of pictures of comfort)

  This morning at church we had a guest speaker.  He is the pastor at another church, and was a mentor to our pastor when he started our church twenty years ago.  He was talking about the growing of a church, and the growth of an individuals own spirituality. I can't remember what he said word for word, but his message has stayed with me through the day:  You can't get too comfortable.  You have to be willing to grow and change. 

 I had a week that took me out of my comfort zone, and my go-to safe place that I have had in the past has changed.  My comfort is not gone, however.  God moved it.  He has a way of moving the things and the people in our lives that we put too much comfort in, that do not point in the direction we are suppose to be going.  He wants us to put our comfort in Him.  He wants to be our safe place.  Sometimes, He has a way of changing the places and the people in our lives, so that we can see Him more clearly.  And, I do. 

Speaking of comfort, we have been getting very cozy around here.  It's officially fall!  Comfort foods and candles and knitted tights galore! 

Saturday, we planted our fall flowers and enjoyed a perfect day outside.  

Today, we had a beautiful day in Paola with my brothers family.  We celebrated my sweet nephews 10th birthday, and enjoyed a family walk.

Happy fall everyone!  Have a great week!

On insecurities and self-forgiveness.

Sitting around a table on our lunch break yesterday, somehow all of our birth stories came up.  I think it started with talking about somebody's recent breast augmentation, which led to breastfeeding, which then turned to the avenue in which each of our little miracles made their entrance into the world.  One of five was able to do an all natural, breastfeeding till their kid was two, how God-intended make a baby, birth a baby, feed a baby process. The rest of us either couldn't breastfeed, couldn't make a baby, or had a c-section.  A few eyes went misty when the talk of insecurities came up.  This is really sad, but this is the first honest-about-your-feelings conversation I have had with a group of sympathetic ladies.  I have had my one-on-one rants with my husband or the friend here and there who didn't fall into the category of "mother-fail".  But, to really have a sit down and open your heart discussion about the complicating recovery from the inability to make, birth, and feed a baby the God-intended way with women who understand the heartbreak... how healing.  I only wish that lunch break was longer than thirty minutes.

I grew up on a home grown garden, feeding off of local veggie-fed cows, with every natural remedy known to man for all ailments from my grannie down the street.  I wasn't on birth control.  I have always exercised and maintained a diet within moderation.  I jog, I do pilates, I dabbled in yoga.  I would consider myself a proactive person when it comes to health.  I go to the doctor when I need to, and have all my yearly exams.  I have always prided myself in the measures  I took to control my weight, my endurance, and my health.  Reproductively, however, I have no control.

I would have loved to have had an all natural everything way when it came to babies.  But I couldn't.  I gave up on the idea of it all when it took multiple miscarriages and doctors to get pregnant in the first place.  I had a head-set and a heartbeat finder that I used everyday the entire length of my pregnancy with Emma, to ensure that my baby still did indeed have a heartbeat.  A headcase, feeling as though my uterus was a ticking time bomb, I demanded an induction from my obstetrician as soon as it was safe, to save my baby from the ill-incapacitation of my belly.  I was ok having a c-section when things didn't progress and complications arose.  I tried my best to breastfeed, but it just wasn't the route that my baby required as her weight plummeted (trust me, we saw every specialist out there).  While I think I have had some down-in-my-heart bitterness and insecurities about this lack of control over my body... I forgive myself. 

What I (and my lady friends) need to remember, is we can't believe that the worldly assumption of "God-intended" is correct.  I'm realizing more and more, than God intends on me being persistent and strong.  God's intention put me in a time with all of the talented doctors he has created.  God intends on me being grateful for the skills and tools in my time period that gave me and my baby a fighting chance through childbirth.  He gave us special formulas.  He gave us medication that would help my baby gain weight and be free from pain when the all natural remedies didn't work.  God intends on me to use His blessings to remind my children how special they are, how much we were willing to work to have them here, and all the blessings He gave to ensure their health.  God forever wants me to be patient and caring with others when they must rely on His control, and not their own... for whatever health or life issue they may be dealing with.  Having disease, illness, or reproductive set-backs does not mean that He wants us to be sick, to die, to not have children.  He loves us.  He wants us to have health.  He wants us to have life. (Unless, of course, it is time to go home.)  We are intended to do what it takes, and be ok with His plans, even if they conflict with our own. Every situation we are faced with is a learning and teaching opportunity for us to interact with others, and to accept the imperfections in our travels through life.

They should put this stuff in the baby books.

Content.

I can't really find any words to describe our little family evening yesterday,  so here are some pictures.  Play a little Enya in the back of your mind as you browse, and I'm sure you can find the breathtaking serenity that I experienced with my favorite people. And dog.

 

 

I want to remember this for when I'm pulling out my hair on another day.

Counting blessings.

1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Friday I went in for surgery.  The doctor was able to remove all the scarring from my uterus caused by my miscarriages and surgeries.  He also found and removed some endometriosis through the laproscopy.  My wonderful mother in law, Tina, came to care for Emma while Brett went to the hospital with me.  She then helped take care of me when I came home.  She makes a pretty great nurse ;)  My procedures came with no complications, and the doctor seems hopeful that come November, I should be able to start trying for children again.  There are some increased risks with any future pregnancies. I have a great team working with me, however, so I am not worried.  We continue to count all of our blessings.  Anything from here on out is just bonus.  The past few years have put me on my knees completely surrendered to His mercy.  Our little journey down the back road has not only strengthened our marriage, it has renewed our faith.  We do not have control, we cannot demand our wants, we can only take care of our gifts.  Thank you for all of your prayers!

Good to the last drop.

It's no secret... I love fall.  I can't wait!  I love sweaters with my flip flops. I love coffee on the deck with just enough chill in the air that makes you stick your nose over the top of your mug. I love snuggling with my husband on the patio without a sweat mess.  I like when the leaves fall to the ground, making it a little easier to snoop on the neighbors.  I look forward to the awkward costumes that I will make my family wear for Halloween (and Thanksgiving... oh, and Christmas).  The stews and cinnamon rolls in my near future make it hard to sleep.  However, we are squeezing every little ounce of fun from the hot weather that hangs around. 

Like early morning trips to the zoo.

Making yard work... fun. 

And trips to grandma and grandpa's pool.

I love our little weekend getaways to Oklahoma.  It's so quiet and relaxing, and Emma's grandma and grandpa get a chance to play.  Brett's mom found all kinds of toys and books from her own babies, including the lincoln logs that Brett's grandpa made for him and his brothers.  They were a big hit with Em.

We made a little visit to Woolaroc just outside of Bartlesville, and made our way over to my moms house in Owasso, then to my grandpa's place in Claremore.

We have done a lot of traveling these last few weeks, and made a lot of fun memories.  It's been a wonderful (hot) summer shared with a lot of people we love.  Emma is a lucky little girl to have so many people in her life that adore her!

As much fun as we have had, we are ready to stay home for awhile and fall into cooler weather.  Summer, we have squeezed every ounce of warm juice from the lemon you gave this season and made a tall refreshing drink... but it's time to go.  Hello September!!

Have a great week everyone!!