I love me some girlfriends...

Girls just want to have fun.  My nieces and I love that song.  During the summer when they visit, we will roll the windows down, blare the radio, and belt out the lyrics over and over again (on our way to the skating rink with our pony tails on the side, of course).  And, it's true.  Girls do just want to have fun.  But, then there is this pesky thing that gets in the way.  Life.

When the celebration ends, the music dies, and the fun is gone, life comes knocking at your door.  Hectic schedules, work, bills, planning for the future, recovering from the past, loss, failure, heartbreak.... not fun.  If you're really lucky though, (which I really am), you've already got your girls there when life arrives at your doorstep.  They have already poured the champagne in advance for another victory against these worrisome endeavors.

They are there in phone calls saying "I don't care if you're ok, I'm on my way", in voice messages that you can hear their tears in, in your momma's arms (yes, mom is an especially important girlfriend), in beautiful comments and messages, in cards, in flowers, in prayers, and in the silent hand that wraps around yours.

Girlfriends don't just celebrate life with you, they do life with you. They get you through the heartbreak before they enjoy the party. They don't just read your messages and think "that's rough".  They show up.  They don't sit quietly in a corner. They are blowing up your phone and pounding at your door. There is just something about a lovely lady who can make their presence known, even if only in spirit.  And, I'm the lucky lady that God has blessed with many lovely ladies.

Love me some girlfriends :)

Thank you everyone for all of your love and prayers. Boys included.  I'm truly blessed to have such a loud cheering section!

Finding Peace...

What a rough week.  I was hoping that the next post I would make would be a lovely announcement, instead it will be a reflection of loss.

Brett and I have had a hard road on our journey to start a family.  Two failed attempts before Emma, and now three more for any additional children.  This last one has been a hard one to get through.  We thought we had addressed my newly diagnosed fertility roadblock.  After adding a medication to boost my progesterone to the seven other meds that I take for my clotting disorder, we were on our way.  Eight weeks in with a growing belly and perfect labs, we went in for our second ultrasound to see if our two gestational sacs had produced any little heartbeats that we would be able to visualize.  Instead, we saw only two empty sacs.

Six.  That is the number of babies we have lost.

We came home Monday after our hopeful hearts were broken.  I crawled under my covers for about a day and a half and cried.  And prayed.  Then cried some more.

By Tuesday afternoon, I was able to smile.

By Wednesday, I was able to live again.

I was able to look at Emma and know just what a miracle she is to us.  I was able to recognize what a wonderful husband I have to cry with me, and travel this road with me.

I know we are not being punished. I know that not having a natural ability to make babies without any complications does not mean I'm not suppose to have babies, or that I'm less of a mom.  I am an awesome mom.  I love everything about it.  And I know that God knows I'm an awesome mom too.  He lets me struggle because he knows that I'm the kind of mom who will go through any test, any painful procedure, any heartbreak to hold my babies.  He knows that if I have babies who cry a lot, and struggle with colic and reflux, then I will hold them closer, love them harder, and go through all the heartbreak all over to do it all again.

I'm over all the "why me" questions.  I know why.  I'm strong.

I simply have to cry it out and pray.  Pray for patience.  Pray for strength.  Pray for appreciation.  Pray for the past and our future.  Pray for the courage to continue down this path.  Pray for my doctors.  Pray for those who have had stillborn babies or have lost their babies to SIDS.  Pray for the moms and dads holding their babies undergoing cancer treatments, or heart transplants.  Pray for my husband and my baby girl.

And you know what?  There is nothing more precious than finding your peace in prayer.  Physically feeling the arms of the Lord around you in a dark room under a pile of Kleenex.  With every heartbreak and every loss, I've been pulled in a little closer.  I can appreciate life a little more.  I can fall in love with my daughter harder. And I know the awesome reward at the end.  A stronger relationship with Christ.  A more Christ centered family.  A beautiful child being raised to know Christ.

When you lean in on Jesus, trust him, cry to him, pray to him, read him, know him...you have no choice but to breathe him into every part of life.

Our journey is not about our struggles at all... it's about letting God take control, drive the car, then keep the keys when we get there.

Who's the Boss?

Apparently, not me.  Emma is now 9 months old, and she is fast!  She has Brett and I running all over the house, and we still can't keep up!  We have started the baby proofing process, but we were slowed down by a very lazy weekend, a pot of chili, and a super cold front that kept us in our jammies by the fire.  I only wish every weekend was so lovely.  We have learned a few things since Emma has decided to take the house by storm...

Absolutely, must baby proof these doors!

Do not leave purse within reach....

Sister will go to great lengths to eat a cord...

Be careful which drawer you park her chair close to (the knives drawer could have been ugly)...

and, when everything has been emptied onto the floor around her chair.. 

This girl has got a sweet "who dunnit" face!

Last weekend, Brett's brother and parents came to stay with us for a few days.  Monday, his parents took Matt to the airport for his flight back to India.  He is helping with the business of spreading the word of Jesus.  While we love his work, we are going to miss him for the next year and ten months.  It was a great weekend together though!

I've felt a little neglectful on my blog lately...  I've been busy on a few projects lately.  Hopefully, I will have some pictures to share soon!

Hope everyone is staying warm! Have a great week!

Here are a few more pictures that are too cute to not share ;)

Her newest "thing"...carrying this spoon EVERYWHERE!  She even sleeps with it!

And a few more from a little "mini shoot" when we got a little bored :)