Today, I'm most thankful for...

Waking up to a sweet husband.  A perfect morning sunshine and a cup of coffee. A career where I only have to work two days a week. A happy baby free from pain. Slobbery open-mouth kisses (from Emma :)).  A sweet baby who "sings" with mommy. A beautiful sunny day.  Music class with Emma and wonderful friends.  Park time.  Pulling up to a house with a pretty red door.  A long nap for baby so mommy can do her pilates.  A long jog with baby smiles the whole way.  The smell of dinner cooking in the crockpot.  And later tonight, small group with our great friends from church!  Life is good.

Let's Play...

The weather is a changing, and this spring loving mama is ready to go outside.  Emma is quite the out-doorsy gal as well.  We make a good team :)

Emma is now 10 months old.  I cried.  My baby is now a little girl who loves to swing high in the sky and feed herself.  Tuesday, we had a beautiful day.  We spent the day at the park where Emma played on the swing for the first time, and she is in love!  Later, we went for a nice long jog.  This girl has got a need for speed, so I'm sure she will have me whipped into shape in no time.

Today was story time at the library.  This is an every Thursday morning thing, and a great excuse to get out the house.  We blow bubbles, clap, play with feathers, crawl under the big bright parachutes, and best of all... play with our friends.  Emma's bestest friends, Cason and Seger, also attend.  They are taking us to music class on Tuesday with them, also.  I am attempting to only work Mondays and Fridays so we can stick to a schedule.  With everything we are starting, we need to have a routine!  Music class, story time, parents as teachers, bible study, MOMS group starting at church, and a vegetable garden on the way... I don't know when I will be able to go to work.  Unfortunately, any plans to retire or send our kids to college kind of rely on the fact that I bring home a paycheck.

The next couple of months have us keeping busy.  Between finishing up the outside of our house, and planning for a FIRST birthday,  we have got some work to do!

Now, for a little catch up on the last month :)

Emma started walking a couple of weeks ago!!!  I've added a little clip.  It's not a very good one, but it's hard to get this sweet thing on camera!

Here is another video of Em giving her baby some love :)

Cooper and Alecia came to help out a few weeks ago during our difficult time.  It's hard not to smile with this sweet boy around!

We also made a trip to Oklahoma to watch my father in laws play.  Emma loves to rock with grandpa and play with grandma's kitchen ware :)

Here are just a few pics from around the house :)

Emma had to have an echocardiogram done to evaluate her murmur.  Everything was great, but I still had to get a picture of her in her little baby patient gown!

Last one!  I finally finished my first self-designed quilt for my friend!!  Lots of imperfections, but there are 1 1/2 years worth of hand stitched love :)

Have a great week everyone!

I love me some girlfriends...

Girls just want to have fun.  My nieces and I love that song.  During the summer when they visit, we will roll the windows down, blare the radio, and belt out the lyrics over and over again (on our way to the skating rink with our pony tails on the side, of course).  And, it's true.  Girls do just want to have fun.  But, then there is this pesky thing that gets in the way.  Life.

When the celebration ends, the music dies, and the fun is gone, life comes knocking at your door.  Hectic schedules, work, bills, planning for the future, recovering from the past, loss, failure, heartbreak.... not fun.  If you're really lucky though, (which I really am), you've already got your girls there when life arrives at your doorstep.  They have already poured the champagne in advance for another victory against these worrisome endeavors.

They are there in phone calls saying "I don't care if you're ok, I'm on my way", in voice messages that you can hear their tears in, in your momma's arms (yes, mom is an especially important girlfriend), in beautiful comments and messages, in cards, in flowers, in prayers, and in the silent hand that wraps around yours.

Girlfriends don't just celebrate life with you, they do life with you. They get you through the heartbreak before they enjoy the party. They don't just read your messages and think "that's rough".  They show up.  They don't sit quietly in a corner. They are blowing up your phone and pounding at your door. There is just something about a lovely lady who can make their presence known, even if only in spirit.  And, I'm the lucky lady that God has blessed with many lovely ladies.

Love me some girlfriends :)

Thank you everyone for all of your love and prayers. Boys included.  I'm truly blessed to have such a loud cheering section!

Finding Peace...

What a rough week.  I was hoping that the next post I would make would be a lovely announcement, instead it will be a reflection of loss.

Brett and I have had a hard road on our journey to start a family.  Two failed attempts before Emma, and now three more for any additional children.  This last one has been a hard one to get through.  We thought we had addressed my newly diagnosed fertility roadblock.  After adding a medication to boost my progesterone to the seven other meds that I take for my clotting disorder, we were on our way.  Eight weeks in with a growing belly and perfect labs, we went in for our second ultrasound to see if our two gestational sacs had produced any little heartbeats that we would be able to visualize.  Instead, we saw only two empty sacs.

Six.  That is the number of babies we have lost.

We came home Monday after our hopeful hearts were broken.  I crawled under my covers for about a day and a half and cried.  And prayed.  Then cried some more.

By Tuesday afternoon, I was able to smile.

By Wednesday, I was able to live again.

I was able to look at Emma and know just what a miracle she is to us.  I was able to recognize what a wonderful husband I have to cry with me, and travel this road with me.

I know we are not being punished. I know that not having a natural ability to make babies without any complications does not mean I'm not suppose to have babies, or that I'm less of a mom.  I am an awesome mom.  I love everything about it.  And I know that God knows I'm an awesome mom too.  He lets me struggle because he knows that I'm the kind of mom who will go through any test, any painful procedure, any heartbreak to hold my babies.  He knows that if I have babies who cry a lot, and struggle with colic and reflux, then I will hold them closer, love them harder, and go through all the heartbreak all over to do it all again.

I'm over all the "why me" questions.  I know why.  I'm strong.

I simply have to cry it out and pray.  Pray for patience.  Pray for strength.  Pray for appreciation.  Pray for the past and our future.  Pray for the courage to continue down this path.  Pray for my doctors.  Pray for those who have had stillborn babies or have lost their babies to SIDS.  Pray for the moms and dads holding their babies undergoing cancer treatments, or heart transplants.  Pray for my husband and my baby girl.

And you know what?  There is nothing more precious than finding your peace in prayer.  Physically feeling the arms of the Lord around you in a dark room under a pile of Kleenex.  With every heartbreak and every loss, I've been pulled in a little closer.  I can appreciate life a little more.  I can fall in love with my daughter harder. And I know the awesome reward at the end.  A stronger relationship with Christ.  A more Christ centered family.  A beautiful child being raised to know Christ.

When you lean in on Jesus, trust him, cry to him, pray to him, read him, know him...you have no choice but to breathe him into every part of life.

Our journey is not about our struggles at all... it's about letting God take control, drive the car, then keep the keys when we get there.

Who's the Boss?

Apparently, not me.  Emma is now 9 months old, and she is fast!  She has Brett and I running all over the house, and we still can't keep up!  We have started the baby proofing process, but we were slowed down by a very lazy weekend, a pot of chili, and a super cold front that kept us in our jammies by the fire.  I only wish every weekend was so lovely.  We have learned a few things since Emma has decided to take the house by storm...

Absolutely, must baby proof these doors!

Do not leave purse within reach....

Sister will go to great lengths to eat a cord...

Be careful which drawer you park her chair close to (the knives drawer could have been ugly)...

and, when everything has been emptied onto the floor around her chair.. 

This girl has got a sweet "who dunnit" face!

Last weekend, Brett's brother and parents came to stay with us for a few days.  Monday, his parents took Matt to the airport for his flight back to India.  He is helping with the business of spreading the word of Jesus.  While we love his work, we are going to miss him for the next year and ten months.  It was a great weekend together though!

I've felt a little neglectful on my blog lately...  I've been busy on a few projects lately.  Hopefully, I will have some pictures to share soon!

Hope everyone is staying warm! Have a great week!

Here are a few more pictures that are too cute to not share ;)

Her newest "thing"...carrying this spoon EVERYWHERE!  She even sleeps with it!

And a few more from a little "mini shoot" when we got a little bored :)

Live, Laugh, Love

Since Emma has been born, I can count on one hand the number of times I have spent time with friends... without child in tow.  And, recently, I've started to feel it.  Sometimes you just need to get together with the girls and laugh about life.  Luckily for me, I have just those girls!  The gals in the hood and I left the husbands at home with the kids last Friday for a long overdue Mexican night.  Two hours of nothing but girl talk.  The kind that has you rolling with tears streaming down your face.  The kind that makes you love being a woman, because only we really understand the humor of meltdowns and pantyhose malfunctions.

Then, this Friday, the gals from my church group and I got all gussied up to head down to the Plaza for an evening at the melting pot... again, laughing till there were water works, and looks from other tables telling us with their expressions that we may want to quiet down... we didn't.

Sometimes, it's hard to convince ourselves that we are allowed nights off.  Everything that is required of me at home, sometimes I think the house would just fall to pieces if I leave.  But, it doesn't (Brett has a pretty good handle of things).  I do, however, fall to pieces if I don't leave. Ever.  Sometimes, time to ourselves can be just as important as time with the family. The women in our lives, they can encourage us, and lift us up, and help us find our sense of humor.  We have to hold on to that.

Brett and I also took a little evening to ourselves last Saturday night for a little dinner and bowling date.  I really love dating my husband.  We have so much fun being dorks together, and I'm so glad that he has no expectations of me to be perfect, or cool.

Not that I have completely neglected my daughter!  Mind you, most of the time she's going to bed when I'm leaving, so I still get an entire day full of Emma.  We have had so much time together since my schedule has lightened up a bit, and I am loving it!  She's also had a chance to catch up with some of her friends.  Julia came up with my friend Anna from Alabama to visit, our friend Cooper came up with his mommy Alecia from Shawnee to spend a day with us, and yesterday, we traveled to Olathe so Emma could play with Emma Jean.  She is quite the social butterfly, our girl!  We also got to stop in to see great-grandpa Butch before we came home last night.  

So that's what we are up to these days!  Living, laughing, and loving life!  Have a great week!

I don't think they were excited about pictures :)

Isn't our friend Emma Jean a little doll?!

I don't know who made the other laugh more!