One.

 So, I had to take a break.  Emma's festivities over the last couple of months made for one. tired. mama.  We've been taking a little time to rest and play with all of our new great toys!  I miss having a baby, but I sure love having this sweet thing toddling around after me.  She is really starting to mimic our movements.  She's trying to put shoes on herself, loves on her babies, and even tries shooting baskets with dad.  She's not very good, but neither is dad ;)

Her birthday party was marvelous!  It was 300 degrees out, but we still had a good time.  Lots of friends and lots of family from all over the midwest came to celebrate with us!  I love it.  I love having wonderful people who love and cherish these moments with us.  My in-laws were such a big help (again).  They came to my rescue (again) so they could help shop, decorate, and prepare for the party a day early.  I really wish I could have taken more pictures of everything and everyone, but I still have two thousand, so I think you'll get the picture of how this whole thing went down.

 Brett found a groupon for a bounce house.  It was ridiculously huge.  But, we did count 75 people in attendance throughout the afternoon, half being kids. I think it was a good call on Brett's part.  I know Emma won't remember it, but it wasn't so much for her as the little boys that we knew we would have to entertain.  It is truly amazing to me how much these little boys can jump for so long,when the rest of us could barely breathe in the heat!

Of course, there were some big kids who enjoyed it also....

Oh, and a grandpa.

Emma got a new wagon from our neighborhood friends.  We have been on several wagon rides per day.  I think she is excited to be a part of the red wagon club within the neighborhood.  We have a lot of kids around here, and the radio flyer seems to be the wheels of choice among them.

After her party, her cousins stayed over to teach her how to play with all of her new toys. They played restaurant, played in her new pool, and even assembled all of her boxed toys with Aunt Gina.  Mommy utilized this time to clean.

We are so grateful to everyone who came to enjoy the big 1 with us, and for those who couldn't be with us, but sent thoughtful gifts.  Emma has been one very well dressed little girl from all of her birthday outfits while playing hard with all of her loot!

Since we partied so hard for Emma, we took Mother's Day a little slow.  Still, we did do everything that I enjoy. Long walks with my sweet family after sleeping in, eating out, and ended with evening service at church. Mother's Day last year, we were still in the hospital dreaming about everything that our little Emma was going to be.  She is better than any dream.  I love being a mommy, and I love being Emma's mommy. 

What a celebration to close an amazing year.  That first moment they laid her little body across my chest and our eyes met, that moment that she made me a mother, that moment my heart spilled over with love... there will never be a party big enough to celebrate that. Being first time parents, we have certainly learned a lot.  Mostly, just how much we could love.  Emma has been such a blessing to our lives, and I never thought my heart could be overflowing so much from one little girl.  I am certainly grateful for this life, and this husband, and this precious girl.  God is so great!

Dedication and other things.

What a weekend!  We started with a first birthday party for our friends down the street.  It made me realize just how close we are to Emma's first birthday, and how much I have left to  prepare.  I am having a hard time letting my little baby grow up.  I have been sneaking into her room at night and collecting her sleeping body to bring back to my bed to snuggle.  I just can't hold her enough, especially knowing how fast this is all going!

Our friends gave us a twice handed down slide set.  Brett made a little mulched play area in the back of our yard to set it up.  We promised our friends that we could bring any used toy back to life, and we have!  We have spent a lot of time outside playing, and Emma loves it!

I'm so grateful that my in-laws were able to come up Saturday.  In running all of our last minute errands for the dedication party we were having, after a long week of work, my exhaustion caught up with me.  I just couldn't function any longer.  Luckily, I had my sweet mother in law to take over the preparations, and to send me on a nice run.  She and my father in law even helped me clean my house, followed by pouring me a glass of wine!  Now, that is great people :)

Sunday went beautifully.  We had my mom and grandpa, Brett's parents, my brother and his family, and sweet Grandpa Butch here with us to celebrate... along with all of our church friends and a couple of other close friends.  There was one point during prayer when we were on stage that I heard Em's pacifier hit the ground, and I just knew this would be followed by wails. I must have held my breath hard enough in anticipation, because she didn't.  She was very well behaved ;)

After service, everyone came over for a light lunch and  cake.  There were approximately twenty children here. Once the clouds parted, they all erupted from the house like clowns from a small car.  Grandpa Butch laughed as I pulled more and more goodies from my small closet of back-up big kid toys, and our backyard magically transformed into a small carnival of rolling princess tents, sidewalk chalk, and bubbles.  I've learned a few things to have on hand having eight nieces and nephews, and being the last of my friends to have a baby.

Emma and her grandma's

All but one of her grandpa's.  She has some pretty wonderful men in her life ;)

My brother Justin, wife Gina, and nephew James

My bestie Brooke

The Spears Family

A very pregnant Micah!

The Gordon's Backyard of Crazy

We are alike in so many ways, it's scary.

This weekend was just what I needed.  Family, friends, play, and of course, a glass of wine :)

Have a wonderful week everyone!

What Matters Now.

Ok, so I am over my pity party.  I have a fabulous life, and I'm not going to let that devil pull me down into sadness when I've got so much good.  We have a baby dedication this weekend for Emma now that she is over her reflux.  We are looking forward to gathering with our very close friends and family to celebrate what matters most in this little girls life.  I feel so fortunate to have such dear friends who help us on our walk with Christ.  Who keep us on the path.  Who wipe our tears and hold our hands when there are puddles.  Friends who celebrate events with us.  But most importantly, friends who promise to help us raise our little girl to know Jesus.  The support that God has surrounded us with is truly amazing!

Birthday plans are coming along great.  I am almost done with her kitchen and cradle.  We just pray there is no rain!

I never did share any pictures from our Easter egg hunt.  It was a little chilly and overcast, but we all had a great time anyway.  Here are a few  a lot of photos from a few weeks ago.  Have a wonderful weekend everyone!  I'm getting back to what matters most, right now.

Erin

BFF

 Easter morning!

Emma loves animals!

With daddy on the train

Monkeys!!  Her favorite!

Broken.

Well, we had a nice Easter.  It was crazy hectic on Saturday with egg hunts and the Easter bunny, but we survived, and we have wonderful memories. Sunday, we took it easy.  We didn't have family in town, so Easter day was pretty low key.  We had a nice day with just the three of us, reflecting on Easter.  It's always nice to celebrate, especially when we are talking about the celebration of our salvation through the cross.

Monday, we took the day off.  Emma went to day care, and mommy and daddy had an all-day date.  It was lovely.  That is, until a woman in a little girls boutique misunderstood me and announced to the store that I was pregnant.  Not just pregnant, but that I was having a girl.  I don't know how she got that out of, "we are getting ready to celebrate my daughter's first birthday."  Now, I know that I'm no skinny minny, but I don't think that I look far enough pregnant to know the gender of child I would be carrying.  It hurt.  Not just because she thought I was pregnant, but because I know that I should be pregnant.  I should be eight months pregnant, or six months pregnant, or four months pregnant with twins.  Her remark only reminded me that I'm not.

The rest of the day, I let my insecurities take over.  I didn't really eat my lunch.  I snuck into a Victoria's Secret and bought an extra small pair of spanx, which led to the cutting off of circulation to my legs during our matinee.  That night as we laid down in bed the tears came.  I was broken.  My heart felt broken, along with my body.  I look pregnant when I'm not, I don't stay pregnant when I am, and the back and forth hormone fluctuation from all of this has left my body in shambles.  The skin changes, the thinning of hair, the round tummy that just doesn't know what it's suppose to do.

We've been on a baby break.  I've always wanted a lot of babies.  I know that my time is limited to have the large family I always wanted.  We are hoping that taking time to let me body heal will make it easier for my body to carry later on.  It is just so hard to be patient.  Not trying for babies when the clock is ticking leaves me feeling anxious all the time.

I know that I have so much to be thankful for, and I feel so selfish to be telling God what I need.  I just don't know his plan. Should I be staying positive that my time will come, or should I be preparing myself that I may only have one child?  I've never been a "wait and see" kind of girl.  I'm a nurse.  I asses and treat.  But, how do you treat this kind of broken?

Joy.

Spring has sprung.  We've had a little trouble getting to bed on time due to the big light in the sky.  We enjoy our porch time in the evenings watching the neighbors make their rounds with their dogs, or sitting out back casually throwing a ball for Dallas to fetch.  The extended day seems to give us a little more time to unwind and take in every ray of sunshine we can get, and sucking in every last breath from the day.

Em and I have been breaking out our spring dresses.  I think they have inspired her to walk a little more,m as she gets wrapped up in the hems trying to crawl.  She no longer takes "steps".  Our girl walks.  She doesn't even think about it as she stands from a sitting position and heads for destination unknown.  Cool and confident.  She makes my heart smile.

We really haven't been up to anything extraordinary.  It's hit me though, that we don't need to.  We are happy.  With our chores, with our routines, with our work, with our play, with our crafts... it's life.  Our life.  We stay busy.  But, good busy.  I joyfully lay my head down every night knowing that we are happy playing house, and being married, and being involved with our community, and raising a baby who is happy.  We are joyfully exhausted.

Of course,  ask me about exhaustion in a month or so as we are unwinding from our eventful April!

Have a great week friends!