Bring it.

I just got home from picking up my goody bag from our local pharmacy.  Four bags, actually.  I'm so terribly grateful that all of these medications represent the hope of new life, and not anything else.  Tomorrow begins the first day of the next round of treatments.  As I splay the contents across the counter and separate them from the once a day's, twice a day's, four times a day, take when told, take to office to have injected different piles, there is a little piece of me that wonders if this is worth it.  For anyone on the outside, infertility and loss begin and end at the time you are told about it.  For this person going through it all, it has been non-stop for four years.  The miscarriages, the tests, the surgeries, the miscarriages again, the procedures, the labs, the appointments, the feeling pregnant and looking pregnant when you are not, the being pregnant and being too scared to enjoy it, the pills upon pills...  it's a long exhausting process that begins from the first failed attempt to become pregnant until you are the mother to a completed family.  I'm not there yet. I know that this may not work, but my heart tells me that there are more babies to have.  So as I look around the walls of this house holding framed pictures of my sweet girl, all doubt is removed.  This process is totally worth it.  All of this yuckiness is worth the beautiful being that I hope to bring from this, to put in a frame next to my other sweet baby's picture.

These medications make me tired. I've been told that they also make me emotional.  That being said, we have decided to stay home this Thanksgiving.  I don't think my sweet family wants to be in a car for four hours with an emotional mama, and I don't think my in-laws really want to be around an emotional mama who has been locked in the car for four hours.  I'm kind of looking forward to it.  I have a couple of family activities planned for us, and I have a dinner menu prepared.  My brother and his sweet family will be around Thanksgiving evening, so we look forward to a little family game night with them.

To get into the true spirit of Thanksgiving, here are a few things I'm thankful for:

A merciful God, my sweet husband, my precious girl, a supportive family, flexible jobs, girlfriends, answered prayers, health, my doctors and nurses, and specifically to right now... wine.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Oh, and here are some of our family photos from last week!